Wine Cures Cancer, Study Says

Doctors at Johns Hopkins University today announced findings in their study titled, Anti-Tumoral Effects of Wine in Cancer Patients, which concluded that daily drinking of tannic wine reduces the size of cancerous tumors.

cancer researchers, ‎

“It comes as a great surprise that wine not only does not contribute to the rate of cancer, it actually kills the cancer,” said Dr. Ervin Spaceman, the lead researcher. He added, “I’ll certainly drink to that!”

While the finding contradicts early studies that showed a correlation between consumption of two or more glasses of wine per day with breast cancer, it is in line with previous studies that showed how certain red wines clear blood vessels and aid in circulatory health.

The eight member team of researchers explain the study’s at a press conference in Johns Hopkins hospital dining room. Tannat from Uruguay was served to celebrate.

They said the wine therapy study was conducted over a period of 10 years and followed 50 men and 50 women cancer patients who professed to be wine connoisseurs.

The subjects consumed 8-10 glasses of wine every day, with their meals, before bed, and in the morning. Patients not only showed a reduction in tumor size, researchers said, but they also enjoyed their therapy. Several have decided to study for their WSETs.

Wine stocks shot up an average of 34 percent upon release of the news as Wall Street toasted the best tasting cure for cancer imaginable. The wine giant Constellation gained the most, 40 points in two hours, jumping from $47.41 to $66.37 at the close. By late afternoon, local wine stores were enjoying a rush of sales of heavy red wines and oaky chardonnays as consumers stocked up for themselves and for loved ones.

“This is a great day for the wine industry,” said Constellation Brands CEO Robert Sands. “All this time we thought over indulgence kills. Who knew that wine would become a cancer cure?”

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Mari Kane

Mari is a writer, blogger and WordPress consultant, living in Vancouver, BC, the most wine-soaked town north of the 49th Parallel. She also blogs about WordPress web design at Blogsite Follow her on Twitter or Google Plus.

4 thoughts on “Wine Cures Cancer, Study Says

  • April 1, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Who argues with the braintrust at Johns Hopkins?
    Certainly not I!

    Let’s lift our glasses to some great news!

    Thank you Mari,

  • April 1, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    Here’s to belief, today and everyday.
    Thanks Nancy.

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